Why is it that between 4.30pm and 6pm on tv, there’s an influx of adverts for women who wet themselves, due to poor bladder control? Or adverts advertising products to make you shit better? Do we need to have this image of a stool causing you pain, just as we’re about to tuck into our sausage and mash?
Dulcolax® Stool Softener is a stimulant-free laxative that makes it easier and more comfortable to go to the bathroom but do we prefer that or DulcoEase or even Senokot? Let’s wait until tea time tomorrow and make our choice then.
Ordinary People Babbling On – Boring Poetry
Mr Cooper from the old building society days at Nationwide is probably turning in his grave. I’m sorry, but boring people talking about things personal to themselves isn’t entertaining in any shape or form. It’s even more painful than the street type rap, do we need to listen to this pile of crap?
We’ve even got jug ears advertising Walkers Crisps now, through the medium of poetry. It’s a bloody bag of crisps!
The Grand National, it’s been advertised for the past 2 weeks, badly! Another ad where we have to listen to crappy poetry.
Nationwide singing sisters Flo and Joan, (real names Nicola and Rosie Dempsey) though were even more annoying. A real pair of talentless twats, guaranteed to wind people up. If there’s ever a reason NOT to open an account with the Nationwide, it has to be the fact that they wast money on crap adverts.
Word of advice Nationwide, drop these boring adverts, sponsor the England football team again and people will be happier.
If you like the wanky hipster all trendy coffee houses of the UK or are happy with the high street coffee stores or possibly the traditional cafe/coffee shops are more your thing. What on earth would possess someone to pass any of these to go to a faceless, bland fast food burger chain to get a coffee there?
Now I like coffee. I especially like a good coffee, Mocha Coffee is one I will order if I am out and about. Do I go to a nice coffee house or do I go to a mass-produced, burger outlet to try their coffee? I prefer to support a local business where I can and provided the make an excellent Mocha Coffee, will continue to do so. So Ronald the clown, don’t try to put down competitors who offer a superior service and product with your pathetic adverts.
Stick to doing what you do best; Cheap and cheerful Happy Meals with free kids toys and leave the coffee to the professionals. As for the idiots who are trying to jump on the coffee trend and charge stupid amounts because you have a trendy brand name – STOP.
It’s a fucking coffee bean, made into a drink. Unless you are picking these yourself by hand, then flying them business class before selling as a drink, charge a reasonable price.
The motorway is a roadway where you get vehicles of all sizes from the 2 wheeled motorbike to the heavy goods 6 axle waggons and everything inbetween. HGVs are usually delivering goods so are in a hurry to get to their drop off destination as quickly as possible, or return to depot after delivering. These vehicles are fitted with speed restrictors so aren’t able to travel as fast as cars, but how often do you see them having to slow down as the speed they’re doing in the inside lane is faster than the idiot hogging the middle lane ? So to avoid illegal undertaking they’re forced to swing out into the middle lane, hoping the numpty will do the right thing and pull back into the inner, slower lane…. But no. As these size trucks aren’t allowed into the outside lane, it’s just a toss up for the HGV driver to either sit and tailgate in the middle lane at 60mph or cut back into the inside lane and carry on at 65mph and in effect undertake.
One thing that does come about though is the braking domino effect, where due to someone at the front of the traffic line touches their brakes, there is a knock on effect that ripples back with car after car all having to do the same, sometimes to the extent that traffic can almost come to a shuddering halt further back down the line. This in turn creates a stop – start journey which only adds to the misery of the motorway journey. Often this type of breaking is caused by people trying to pull out to overtake the HVG in the inside lane, then realising the middle lane hogger is only doing the same speed as the truck, so you’re having to go from inside to outside lane in one movement. This means the speedster doing 90 in the outside lane has to brake due to you accelerating to 70 but pulling out. The cars behind him all start to jab on their brakes too, meaning this domino effect starts, half a mile or a mile back the cars at the end are now doing 50mph in the outside lane with vehicles inside of them actually travelling at a faster speed.
The clowns who read or send texts are even more braindead than the idiots who use their phones to make phonecalls. Even taking your eyes off the road for a couple of seconds is all it takes, to cause a crash. It’s one of the actions that really does annoy me. Self centred idiots who think updating their status is more important than concentrating on driving.
Just as annoying are the retards who text while driving in town. The traffic lights go to red, so out comes the phone. Halfway through sending their reply, the lights change to green. Sod that, I’ll just carry on and send this text, the other drivers can wait.
In The Wrong Lane;
Nothing grinds my gears than having to sit behind some muppet in the outside lane doing 40, but won’t move across.
Just look at the 3 drivers on the left, not on is in the correct lane.
In The Rain;
What is it with people when it’s raining who sit in the middle lane ? Are they worried about skidding off the road and think being in the middle lane is safer for them ? Maybe their eyesight isn’t as good as it is when it’s a nice, sunny clear day and they think again it’s safer for them in the centre lane.
What they fail to consider is you’ll always get people who are happy to driver at 70+ even in heavy rain, so they might be tanking along on the inside lane, quite correctly, then have to pull out all the way into the outside lane to avoid the middle lane hogger.
Quite often too, the middle lane in the rain drivers are those types who are hunched over the steering wheel, windscreen wipers on full pelt.
Another repeat offender is the coach driver. How many times do we see a National Express or a MegaBus sat in the middle lane for mile after mile after mile ?
Why do it ? What is the reason for this annoyance ?
One thought is the driver is aware his coach is slightly faster than a HGV and because there are so many HGVs using the motorway, it saves him the time and bother of having to pull out into the middle lane to overtake the delivery vehicles. Granted this could be seen as logical thinking, at 3am when there is minimal traffic using the motorways, but sadly not at 3pm when the roads are at their busiest.
The other thought is the coach company are wanting to sell tea & coffee to their captive audience. Save having to pay service station prices, instead buy onboard, after all there are toilets on coaches.
To this end, it’s easier to keep the coach sat in the middle lane, in a straight line to enable the stewardess to serve drinks without spillage onto the floor or the passenger. Nothing would hit profits as much as a law suit for being scolded by hot, cheap, nasty coffee poured into your lap.
It’s Not Difficult;
To quote Highway Code rule 264 ;
“You should always drive in the left-hand lane when the road ahead is clear. If you are overtaking a number of slower-moving vehicles, you should return to the left-hand lane as soon as you are safely past. Slow-moving or speed-restricted vehicles should always remain in the left-hand lane of the carriageway unless overtaking. You MUST NOT drive on the hard shoulder except in an emergency or if directed to do so by the police, HA traffic officers in uniform or by signs”
After the first driver to be fined for hogging the middle lane was served up a £500 fine and ordered to pay total £440 costs many had hoped this might deter others from doing this. The driver in question was travelling along the eastbound M62, which for anyone who lives near there is a regular section for tailbacks and the like. From Outlane near Huddersfield at junction 23, through Cleckheaton Junction 26 towards Leeds Birstall at Junction 25 both east & westbound, the tailbacks and grid locks occur most days. In this case the traffic must have been flowing but still traffic police said six drivers were forced to brake and swerve to overtake the vehicle, as he remained fixed in the middle lane.
On the spot fines of £100 don’t seem to be much to deter these types of drivers, so why not up the fine to £250 and 3 points ? Any driver caught not moving back across to the inside lane over a half mile stretch should be pulled over and fined on the spot. If you choose to dispute the offence and opt for a court hearing, if found guilty the fine and points are automatically doubled. The legal system has enough to deal with, processing proper criminals through the court, without having to waste time sorting out dickhead drivers.
If the police man power isn’t there to clamp down on these fools, use the thousands of fixted cameras on the motorway system to track, monitor and then fine the hoggers.
What about also another level of fines;
Caught hogging the middle lane and using your mobile ; double the fine to minimum £500 and 6 points.
Caught hogging the middle lane and not wearing your seatbelt ; double the fine to minimum £500 and 6 points.
Caught hogging the middle lane while not wearing your seatbelt but using your phone ; increase the fine to minimum £1000 and 6 points.
Makes My Piss Boil Rating out of 10 = 8Continue reading