FLS Does Battle in Lidls

We know Fat Lad Says is here to educate and inform you lot but we can’t help but also rant about the day’s irritations and WTF moments.

So I go into Lidls, yeah I know but it’s cheap and their feta stuffed chillies are something else, grab a few things and head for tills. I can’t help but let this little smirk cross my face as I claim my place in the shortest queue, just two women in front of me. There I am thinking I’m soon going to be home with a beer in my hand and be sat by the pool for a chilled out Friday afternoon but no. As the assistant throws their shopping down the belt attempting to break some kind of land speed record they stand there and watch. Yep, they just watch each item bleeping past them.

Anyone who’s been to Lidls knows that you have to so this crazed maniac thing of chucking stuff in bags before the next item gets aimed towards you. You know you have to be packed up before they turn to you with that sadistic grin and announce the total while they watch you throw four pints of milk into the bag right on top of a loaf of bread, satisfied in the knowledge that when you get home you’ll have a bag of crumbs to try and fit into the toaster.

But the women in front of me, they just stand there and watch each item as it careers down the conveyor belt not just once but they both do it so by the time my stuff is within the assistant’s grasp there is nowhere for it to go, both sides of the belt are full of their shopping. The assistant turns and grins in my direction, this is her moment, this is the time she’s been waiting for all week. She picks up the 4 pinter and throws it towards their organic eggs, my four pack of chocolate mousses collides with their natural yogurt and then with a final flourish she eyes the 4 cans of beer and debates for a moment whether to fling them down with a well-practised flick of the wrist or whether to go for the full arm push. They land unceremoniously on top of a punnet of strawberries, the contents now looking more like something you’d see dripping down an ear removed head in a Tarantino movie.

I debate swopping a few things over in the general chaos but organic yoghurt versus chocolate mousse and beer? Yeah maybe not. I’m out of the door by the time they’ve come out of shock and are busy discussing what to do with the strawberry puree now leaking from the bag.

Moral Of This Story

Fat Lad Says “if you can’t stand the pace of Lidls, do us all a favour and head over to Waitrose”

Makes My Piss Boil Rating – 7/10