Motorbike Rental Phuket Idiots

January 22, 2019

It’s 33 degrees, 2pm so the blazing sun is at it’s hottest and trying to undertake on the hill is Billy The Brit, the dickhead on his moped. How do we know he’s British? Because he’s the only dicksplash wearing flipflops, Union Jack shorts, no tee shirt, no helmet oh and no suncream. He’s not the only one, but at least some do bother with their helmet.

motorbike rental phuket dickhead moped riders

Motorbike Rental Phuket

It’s easy, cheap and can be a fun way to get around the island for sure. Have insurance, wear a helmet and don’t act like a helmet. Seriously you knobhead, hunching over the handlebars isn’t going to get your 18 stone of relaxed muscle up the hill any faster. You’ve got a misfiring 50cc put-put moped and you are not streamlined enough to get past a snail let alone a 2000cc minibus with 3 people in. Hopefully, you’ve seen the van pulling out from the side road ahead into the filter lane, or hopefully not. Maybe Darwin might want you back?


So why do the tourists feel the need to ride like total retards? To impress the girls? To impress their mates? Their mates are just as moronic as they are, so instead of 1 idiot on his moped, topless and helmetless, you get 7 of them, 4 abreast sat at the traffic lights, in the fast lane! Yeah, the local sat in his BMW behind them, looks ever so impressed. More so when the lights change, one idiot stalls his moped and is almost rear-ended by the young guy in the M3 BMW.

Notice the white line?

Next was the ginger idiot we came across who was sat with a helmet on, his whispy ginger beard showing. He was wearing his fake Ray Bans and had his young girlfriend clinging on for dear life behind him. Now we’re in the minibus, travelling about 40mph until we have to slam the brakes on thank to this ginger twat. All the mopeds who are on the inside of us are riding to the left of the white line at the side of the road. It’s wide enough to take a couple of mopeds side by side when the locals are on the road. But no, not this prick. He’s determined to sit on the main road, where the cars, the minibuses, the coaches and lorries all thunder along. Not him, he’s spluttering along at a steady, eyewatering 15-20 mph. I’m not sure if he’s ever ridden a bike with an engine before, or more importantly with a passenger on the back but this isn’t the time nor place to learn. Get off the road you idiot and get a taxi, a tuk-tuk or wait for a mate to drive you to where ever you want to go.

Think You Can Ride?

You can see, even with an untrained eye who are the experienced riders. Who are comfortable on their bikes. These are the people who look at ease, are more than happy to jinx in and out of traffic. The young females look comfortable, almost laid back, unlike the tourist girls who some look petrified as they ride along.

Since my first visit to Thailand, when I saw a family of 6 on a moped on the outskirts of Bangkok, it’s amazed me how at home these people are on 2 wheels. This was ( I swear on my cats life ) dad as the rider, mum sat behind with 2 kids sat in between them. On the fuel tank, holding onto the handlebars was say a small child of 3 maybe and mum was holding a large bucket in which was a smaller still child. Talk about the family going out together. Out in Phuket, the most was 5, so once again dad as the main man, mum sat behind but they had the 3 small kids wedged between both their bodies.


The Thai people seem to have this awareness when on the mopeds, they don’t take the risks that tourists do. Granted many don’t wear helmets either but that’s their choice. What I do find funny is when you see a rider with a helmet attached to the bike, or even held in their hand, yet not on their head……


About the Author


Leave a Comment:

All fields with “*” are required

Leave a Comment:

All fields with “*” are required